Life Coach

First thing about life coaches is, you need to be found by those you never met when they need you. This starts with what I call roaming. Roaming is the seemingly pointless wander that takes you exactly where you need to be. This roaming tends to be chock full of synchronicity events that act as markers. It follows the "where the day takes you" philosophy. But even before that a Life coach has to have his own emotional baggage in check. For if you have too many open circuits lying about, one is about to short circuit. But then on the other hand a Life coach must have had certain amount of problems himself so he can associate with the person. This some times creates the right semantics to offer the words in the person's language that clicks and just makes the light beam in one's eyes. These situations are the most fruitful and effective. For a life coach must have a high intuitive nature, he might have the answers all the time. But the trick is to take the information that comes from without of your self on the issue at hand and deliver it with the right words, inflection, analogies, and to the right personality. I.e., are you talking to the shadow who is moody and confrontational or the shadow, who only waits for you to be quiet so it can talk if it is not already yelling over you. At which point you can only take on the armor of a saint and realize that all the slings and arrows are pointed inward and not at you. Which time you can only validate and listen. Or are you talking to the ego who changes the subject when you get to close and break its victim dialogue or just apt to ignore what you said by not responding or talking over you. IN some cases with egos like these, in rare cases, a life coach must take on the role of the scolding parent. Some times the scolding parent is the only one that had any ability to manipulate the person. To take a bad thing and flip it into something positive, but to always speak from their aspirations that you had gathered from their talks about loves, dreams, challenges, and bliss. Always followed up with genuine care and reassurance that there is no shame or blame leveled against the person. Shame, blame, and guilt is something that should be far removed from a life coach. You need the ability to look a serial killer in the face who has changed and truthful telling him it is OK. Forgiveness as long as change is present is key. For the person tends to be eating themselves whole from the inside already. As Augustine and Aquinas said, there is no true evil but lessor degrees of good.

A life coach should never just be some cheerleader or motivational speaker, he must be like a parent to the person. The trick is to assess what age level of parenting does the person need, peer to peer parenting or parent to a loved four year old. To be a parent and not to be a parent. Nothing should be black and white, in doing so you deny some ones existence. The subjective matter should always be, at least a life coach should try, only on a positive connection to life and supportive. If that can not be had, then the subjective nature should be removed. A key importance for the life coach to know is that it is never about them. The directive part should be directed at the spirit when the person is calm and collective and at ease with you. Lots of time the ego is stuck in its victim role, this is a good time just to listen until you hear the patterns repeat themselves. Listen until the least common denometer can be found. Listen then at a minimum to keep abreast of the current history, but to much just enables the person to continue habits. Causing the one to reinflict, even when they are speaking about them, more harm. You as a life coach must give them hope their is something better than just plain old good. A life coach must break them from the feeling of the pain I know is better than the pain I do not know. To restore the hope that expectations will not just dash them from some great heights. A Life coach shall see with his own eyes, show the person the affliction, give them hope, and show the way. But a life coach should never walk it for them. "......Better to teach a man to fish.".

A life coach has to identify the different moods and know who is talking at what time. To access certain personality types, either shadow, spirit, or ego, one must know how to address them when the other is present. Goofiness works wonders. Some need taps on the nose or forehead softly while looking in their eyes to see change in light or dilation. The changes in the eyes can be an indicator when the personality has changed. I mean by personality is when we have no problem we have a body of millions of cells, a gaggle of tissue, a bunch of organs, and a few systems that make up t one healthy human body. Health in Latin meaning whole. When we get cancer in a cell it then effects the tissue and can lead to system failure. You never know where your pancreas is until you get pancreatic cancer. Then you know exactly where it is, how big it is, in what trimester it develops, an its function along with how many other animals have one and if you can borrow it. The same is with the personalities of the mind. When we are happy, we are whole. When we are not we become fragmented and should learn what these systems of personalities are. When we are healed, we no longer have a conversation with them. For they are acting in accord with the whole every second of the rest of our lives. Or until the next turmoil. They become like your lungs, unless you are running the quarter mile, do you notice them. But they are pumping every second. A good response to the shadows blitzkrieg is " I am sorry, what happened today." The shadow looks for any strokes because it is ignored by the rest of the mind. In fact the shadow comes out on regular patterns (which led to ancient demon experts to compile charts of which demons on what day and time are active, demons in Latin mean mental blockades.) and is completely forgotten by the ego. Nothing said during the time of the shadows ascent will usually never be remembered. The spirit is the one that is there who is objective, open, funny, and listens. Most important it is the one who has thought of some game plan for its aspirations. This is the best personality to research to attain what the person aspires for and where it truly needs to be buttressed. The ego is the base line, this is what a life coach has to aspire to show the way for change. The go is the hardest to deal with, but it is what is needed to have balance restored to. A life coach needs to educate the ego to know the importance of the fourth chakra. The ego needs justification, reassurance, joy, and comfort. It needs to stop running away and letting the shadow or the spirit do the work for it. The angel on one shoulder or the devil on the other. The life coach, shadow, or angel are only guides and teachers. It is for the ego to surpass them and one day become the teacher. A life coach can only be the way, not the answer.

a life coach needs to know a full breadth of resources. Resources that have centuries of development are key. Nothing abiogenesis is worth of anything with out a foundation in the past. For it would have a lot of trial and error until it creates a universe of its own that has been tested and survived practicality. a Life coach needs to synchronize world religions, divination, mythology, politics, sociology, history, current affairs, human behavior, art, world literature, movies, occult, game theory, and science to appreciate as above as below. You must learn the collective consciousness and know its past, present, and future aspirations, challenges, hopes, blockades, triumphs, and tricks. A life coach must be a renaissance person. A life coach must always be seen equal to the person, never on a pedestal or in the cellar. You can show fault, but always show your esteem high. a life coach shall be one of the worlds greatest researchers. Autodidacts make the best life coach, for they will research and learn out of a self need which drives them further than some on who is just meeting some one else criteria. Classes and lectures are fine but should be chosen by the life coach. But a life coach should never limit his means of learning or study, breadth or field.

But how should a life coach stop the cycle of enabling the ego to stay in the act of victim. Aggressor is easy to change, a little fire and then coziness near the hearth is what they want. But they may want to bait you, remember you and they are one like Buddha under his tree. They will really poke you in your softest spots, but once tested that is that. Now you just have to rescue them from their shame. You might watch some one in town for years who is an aggressor, but he must come to you when he is ready. When the person has done enough work himself. For until then you will scare the hell out of him. But the victim, clings to your comfort and reinjures itself constantly in fear you might go away. If they were not in harm you would not be there. They need the comfort and justification from you that they can not provide.

A life coach goal is to provide the instant gratification one day then followed by the ability for one to accept something in the long run they did not achieve. Or better yet, to learn what it is that flicks in the brain one second to make what was either an average day or a great one into hell in .6 seconds flat. How can an alcoholic go 12 hours without thinking about a drink, and the next moment that is all on his mind until he gets the next one? How to keep the previous condition? But it does not exist yet. Or how do one get beyond selling yourself with buzz words and empty promises. Like a woman in bed she wants to hear the words "I love you" even if you are lying. Just for the moment of glory, but instant gratification only returns instant failure. On a circle, white and black are indistinguishable. When we travel around the world in a straight line, our starting point is our ending point. Instant gratification is only move a hair to the right into white and is gravitated back to black. When we travel to gray, if white and black are on top then gray must be on the bottom equidistant from them, is separated away from the top by an equal pull from white and black if prone and gravity if hanging. It takes work to get to gray, the balance of white and black, but it takes allot more work to remove us from it. A life coach must be in gray as his center. From here you can travel to white and black any time with experiencing everything in between. A life coach must know how to teach this.

First a life coach must assess the learning style of the person. Then the life coach must teach the person how to learn with the knowledge that there is more to learn afterwards. A life coach must also teach the person from the begining that they are teaching The person with the knowledge they will pass on the lessons to other. Thus becoming a life coach themselves. From that they do not have to apply it in a profession but do apply it as a friend or parent to someone.

A life coach should promote himself more than someone who is going to give you a career, meaning in success, the secrets of love, or how to have great sex. All of this is already in the person. It is the lost child in the dragon cave. A life coach teaches the person to access their own hero to free that child to let its spirit to soar and grow. The treasure that the dragon guards, the parent who placed the episcripts on you, is your talents and abilities given to you before time. Anything I can do you can do with the right belief to allow the constructs to grow. The inner child is the hardest to find in a person. Toys, woods, games, goofiness, tickling works at any age. But this is the dirtiest useless person to the ego. It is who the ego wants to be but thinks it can never become. It is the person that got all the abuse. The shadow is the one who saved the ego and takes the punishment, it has a use to the ego. It will tend to admit to the shadows existence before it admits to the inner child. A life coach should always be send cues to the child. It is the trust giver. A life coach must just get the child to trust itself.

A life coach must be like this Sufi story,

"A man once asked me how do I know the condition of ones personality and their past within minutes of looking at them. I had answered, see on the table before me. Yes said the other. I will take this nestle quick and put four heaping teaspoons and put it in this blender. Then I will put two cups of milk in to be followed by a cup of ice. Then three scoops of ice cream, blend and pour. I then asked the man how do I know what I had made, ah the answer is I know the ingredients. Did you have to tell me that it is a milkshake?"

A life coach in time must know the story before it is told. But let them tell it anyway until they play victim

Get Along With People

I am so proud of you that you decided to read this article. The fact that you are willing to learn new things proves that a bright future is waiting for you! A great person is a person who is open to learning new things. You will achieve great things in life once you learn this skill. So smile and enjoy the reading.

What is one of the most important skills that you need to have in life if you want to be rich and enjoy your life to the fullest?

It's the skill on how to get along with people. Why's that important skill to have? If you can not get a long with people if you can't keep your job very long, you can not make clients to keep your business alive, you can't even keep a girlfriend or boyfriend long enough because you can't get a long with him/her and your marriage will be torn apart because you can't get along with your spouse.

Learn how to get long with people will excel you to a different level of income. When you know how to get along with people at work, you will be more likely to be promoted! When you know how to get along with people, you will have a better marriage and relationship! When you know how to get along with people, your business clients will want to use your service over and over again.

I had the privilege to help manage an evangelistic meeting in Bismarck, North Carolina in September 2005. My clients and I were sitting at Denny's in Bismarck, North Dakota, both of my clients told me that they kept having a bad time at Denny's for some reasons the servers didn't serve them quick enough and they were being ignored every time they went to Denny’s.

I never had that experience after I learned how to get along with people, because as soon as I arrive at a restaurant, I will try to find out the server's name right away! People will love you if you can call and spell their name correctly.

I also give an acceptable amount of tip after I order my food and tell them “Thank you for your great service, I really appreciate it.” Listen to this carefully to this, "I give the tip after I order my food, not after I eat my food." I also thank them in advance for the great service! I expect them to give me a great service and I give them the tip, now the server knows that he/she is expected to give me a great service. They are also paid in advance to give me a great service. What do I get? I get a great service.

Smile to the server as soon as you are being seated, respect them and treat them with kindness. 90 percent of the time, the server wants to hang around me for a long time and they keep asking me if I have enough to drink!

I like what Earl Nightingale said, "We get what we put up." If we expect everything is going to fall apart, guess what? Everything will most likely to fall apart. It's like self-fulfilling prophecy. If you want people you treat you with respect, start treating other people with respect.

Everybody has a sign in their forehead that says “I am important, so treat me as I am an important person.” If you ignore that sign, most people won’t likely to like you.

I also met and had the chance to talk to a gentleman who wasn’t very friendly when I first met him, but after asking him about what he does and his family. He started to open up. Later on, I found out that he works for the federal government loan program. He talked to me for an hour and told me his entire life story. His wife had to ask him to go home after an hour, so she could go home. I learned a lot about what kind of business to start in Bismarck, North Dakota just by listening to him.

People don’t care about you, until they know you care about them! A wise man can turn an enemy into friends. If you have a Bible lying around somewhere, read the whole entire book of Proverbs. The book is not that long and the book will teach you how to get along with people.

People also will like you immediately when they know that you listen to them. If you are a bad listener and you love to talk too much while your business client is trying to talk to you, there will be a great chance that your client will not use your business. You need to how to become an active listener. Invest the time and money to learn how to become an active listener. It will pay you a great dividend!

Make Me Wanted

Have you ever been on one of those courses where the trainer stood at the front, told you how fantastic they were, showed endless slides to prove it… and never mentioned your name once?

I have and I hated it. I don’t know about you, but a day on a course like that turns me into a demoralized wreck. I know it shouldn’t affect me… and it’s probably got something to do with whether I was breast-fed or not (I was, by the way!)… but these kind of experiences pull my self-esteem down to zero.

So now I’m going to have my say. If you do any kind of training, coaching, or managing, listen up.

Whenever I go on a course, I want all of the following things to happen to me…

• I want you to acknowledge me. Please, if you ask me for my name up front, use it at least once during the day, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten it, and don’t get it wrong.

• I want to feel as important as anyone else on the course, even if my natural inclination is to say nothing until you’ve made the climate safe enough for me to do so. I don’t want to feel that the only ones you care about are the ones that talk loudest and most.

• I want you to excite me with possibilities not dampen my enthusiasm with silly rules. I don’t want a string of “musts”, “shoulds” and “oughts”. I want to know all about the wonderful things that I can do when I‘ve learnt what you’re helping me to learn.

• I want you to inspire me by telling me how fantastic the subject is and how much I’m going to enjoy learning it. By the way, you do that by telling me how much you enjoy it.

• I want you to be my role model. OK, I know I shouldn’t expect perfection, but on a time management course, is it too much to ask that you turn up on time and run the course to schedule? Or on an assertiveness course, that you sort out the mess over lunch in a confident manner? Remember, we’re all watching you and learning from you.

• I want you to have a bit of empathy with me and the uphill road I’ve got to climb, rather than not mentioning it at all.

Phew! I’m glad I got that off my chest.

In all seriousness, you should think carefully about your trainees’ needs and put them ahead of your own. And, in short, their needs are: to feel needed, appreciated, and noticed; to learn something new, to enjoy themselves, and to feel safe; to feel empowered, at ease and valued.

If you can do all that, you’ll be touching their very souls.

Communications Issues

"WE HAVE a communication problem." Often this is the response I hear when I ask a couple why they've come for marriage counseling. When I start questioning them about what this statement really means, I get a variety of responses.

One woman blurted out that she is absolutely panicked about their financial future. Everything she reads predicts that she and her husband aren't going to have enough for retirement. On further questioning I find that she resents her husband because he's been in charge of their savings and somehow she thinks he should have saved more.

But she's not willing to bring up money because she doesn't want to cut her spending. She enjoys buying for her two grandchildren and shopping at craft shows. "This is my pleasure," she says. Her husband doesn't bring up money because he's aware of his wife's resentment. "I'm not getting into that hornet's nest," he says. Also, he's planning to retire at age 62 and he doesn't want those plans altered.

Feelings about their financial picture overshadow the marriage, and many topics have become taboo. They don't discuss vacations or retirement plans. They don't talk about needing a new roof or updating the kitchen. They don't freely show each other purchases they've made or discuss gifts they want to give to the children. Her resentment over lack of money also affects their sex life.

Although this couple say they have a communication problem, when you break it down, they really have a money problem that they are unwilling to tackle.

For some couples a communication problem really means the man won't talk. He shares little about what he thinks or feels. And when she talks, he's only mildly interested. It may be that the man is shy about revealing inner thoughts and simply needs to learn to speak out loud on what he's thinking. Or it may be that when he does share his thoughts, his wife interrupts or criticizes what he's saying. She must learn to let him talk without interrupting or critiquing.

A communication problem may also mean that the husband promises to come home at a certain hour and then doesn't do it. Or the wife fails to stick to her commitment to keep her belongings picked up. This "communication problem" could easily be solved if they would keep to their agreements. A communication problem may translate into the couple's being unwilling to discuss anything that has the potential for conflict. Both may be afraid of anger, so they only talk about surface issues. As a result, neither feels close or emotionally connected with the other.

When some couples say they have a communication problem, they mean they can't come to terms with a particular issue. They lack negotiation skills. For example, he wants to go out with friends on the weekend and have a good time. She wants to stay home and have family time with the children. This couple could negotiate. Friday night is family night. Saturday night is for the two of them alone or with friends. Sunday is negotiable.

If you hear yourself or your mate say, "We have a communication problem," think about what this means in your relationship. Once you define the issue or issues that underlie this statement, you'll be able to tackle the true problem.

Be a Superstar

1. Go that extra mile.

2. Offer to do something, whether leading a project, writing a report; before being asked.

3. Have a solutions attitude. State the problem and rehearse the solution. Spend no more than 20% of the time analysing the problem and use the other 80% rehearsing the solution. Act on the solution.

4. Drive yourself to learn something new every day.

5. Practice public speaking.

6. Come up with a `30 second’ advert for why you are the best person for the job.

7. Be the person you would like you would like your co-worker to be – treat everyone respectfully and as you would wish to be treated. Be friendly and open.

8. Get to know co-worker’s names quickly.

9. Make a point of getting to know how the company works, in terms of its procedures, policies and most important of all find out about the culture of the organisation/company `how things are done around here’.

10. Ask open (who, what, where, why, when and how), searching, thought provoking questions (be prepared to participate in coming up with the answers too).

11. As well as operating on your own initiative, it’s also important to be a team player.

12. Conduct a SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats) analysis of your skills 13. Make decisions.

14. Take action. Follow through. Follow through.

15. Have an attitude of learning; attend seminars, courses, programmes etc.

16. Network. Network. Network.

17. Adopt a positive approach to each situation, looking as far as possible for a positive outcome.

18. Be prepared to take risks – this is where the big prizes are found. Well worth undertaking a cost-benefit analysis.

19. Start with the end in mind. Decide what it is you want to achieve.

20. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen. Listen. Listen.

21. Read and read widely.

22. Remember there is value in silence, focus and concentration. There are some pieces of work that may require a `time out’.

23. Spend some time with yourself to think about the big picture and to explore new ways to solve old problems.

24. Set stringent Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time tabled (SMART) goals.

25. When you don’t know, seek advice, help and support.

26. Be a leader. Stand up and be counted.

27. If you are a manager, catch your staff doing things well and congratulate them.

28. Proactively manage any potential stress points – plan your work appropriately, set priorities, say no as appropriate, take exercise (seek the guidance of your doctor as necessary) etc.

29. Deal with conflict in a timely fashion; make sure it doesn’t get out of hand.

30. Have an exit strategy – where do you want to be in five years time?

31. Ask yourself – what did I do to add value today?

32. Learn from others in the organisation, worth seeking out a Mentor.

33. Recognise that change is the one constant and therefore adaptability is important.

34. Learn tools of persuasion such as Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

35. Respect and engage with the diversity of staff in your company as a way to have an edge over other companies.

36. Be an ideas person, brainstorm ideas with others, explore `what if’ scenarios.

37. Persistence and determination are powerful workplace tools.

38. Mistakes are generally seen as acceptable as long as they are learned from.

39. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

40. Have a strong belief in yourself and your own abilities.

41. Find out what your preferred learning style is and play to your strengths (Mumford et al is a useful tool).

42. Keep a cool head in a crisis – search for the `win-win’.

43. Remember procrastination is a thief of time and recognise when that demon comes calling it is best to act now.

44. If you can, delegate. Ask yourself, do you need to do this or is it best done by someone else?

45. Come up with ideas for improvement in relation to your work areas.

46. Develop a negative-objection analysis – identify any objections people might have and come up with the answers to those concerns.

47. Remember today’s work is not done until tomorrow’s is planned. Plan tomorrow’s work today.

48. Attend only important meetings and those you absolutely need to attend.

49. Ensure meetings are conducted within a strict time schedule.

50. Make your own list, adding to this, of how to make a good impression at work.

I would be only too happy to be of further assistance. Please do feel free to email me.

motivationallearning@yahoo.co.uk

You may also wish to take a look at my parenting website www.topparentingtips.com

Hyacinth has been an independent consultant and trainer for the last fifteen years. She is highly regarded and ensures that her training is informative, exciting and presented in such a way as to ensure that all learning styles are catered for. She has shown herself to be more than happy working with personnel at the highest levels in the private, public and voluntary sectors, up to and including members of the board as well as front line staff.

Hyacinth has a proven track record and a particular interest and expertise in design and facilitation of Action learning sets, Career counselling and outplacement programmes, Customer care, Personal Effectiveness for women, Mentoring skills, communication skills and diversity awareness.

Hyacinth is a Master NLP Practitioner and Master Hypnotherapist. She also has a M.A. in Social Policy and Administration

Why Hire a life Coach

Definition of Coaching
Coaching is an ongoing professional relationship that helps people produce extraordinary results in their lives, careers, businesses or organizations. Through the process of coaching, clients deepen their learning, improve their performance, and enhance their quality of life. In each meeting or call, the Coach listens and contributes observations and questions. This interaction creates clarity and moves the distributor into action.

Coaching accelerates progress by providing focus and awareness. It concentrates on where you are now and what you are willing to do to get where you want to be in the future, recognizing that results are a matter of the intentions, choices and actions, Supported by a good Coach's efforts and application of the coaching process, amazing things can happen.

Why Coaching is Important
In a day and age when we have become so reactive and response to the daily needs of life, coaching is the opportunity to break free. In a coaching relationship you are in the seat of power and control and can proactively direct your life in the direction you want to go. In any area, career, relationship, health, community, when you are being coached you are asked two very important questions. First, what do you want? Second, what are you willing to do about it? These questions are potent and confronting, but the whole idea behind coaching is that you are hiring someone to supportively hold you accountable for getting what you want. You determine what that is.

You’d be amazed at how hard this can be for some. We are clear about some of our dreams and desires. I often hear, “I want to be paid well for doing work that I love.” “I want more quality time with my family and friends.” “I want to be healthy and fit, without having to go to the gym.” “I want meaning and purpose in my life.” But you might also be shocked to learn that quite often people say to me, “My dream is to have a dream.”

So mired in reality, so busy living from our clocks and calendars, we often forget what matters to us or have little time to even think about it. That’s where a Coach comes in. Your Coach can help you get in touch with your purpose and passion, your dreams and hopes, overcomes your fears and doubts and most importantly support you ongoingly in taking the necessary steps, week by week, day by day for getting what you want.

Even as a Dream Coach™, I use a Coach. A Coach listens intently, asks clarifying questions, challenges my assumptions, helps me dream big and makes sure I do the important things I say I will do in order to have the precious things I say I want. It is a partnership based on intention, agreement, integrity and relationship.

The bottom line is, we can’t do it alone. Some of us think we can, but with a Coach you will be challenged, stretched and empowered. You will dream bigger dreams, have insights, uncover and hopefully remove limitations. With a Coach you will increase your chances at being successful and you will be celebrated for it.

The Dream Coach™ Philosophy of Coaching
There are many types of coaching programs available. As the founder of Dream Coach™ University I have certified Coaches worldwide in a specific process. Simply put, a Dream Coach™ assists others in getting what they want personally and professionally. This process helps people find their life’s purpose, ignite their passion, clarify their dreams, remove all obstacles (including not having enough time or money) take action, and produce fast results.

A Dream Coach's responsibility is to:
• Discover, clarify, and align with what the client wants to achieve.
• Encourage self-discovery.
• Hold the client responsible and accountable.
• Speak the truth.
• Relate, reflect and help produce results.

The Dream Coach™ Process
Set An Intention Objective: To understand the power and importance of intention and for you to set an intention for this program, such as find a new job or career, or get a promotion

Maintain Integrity
Objective: To learn how to live with integrity by removing incompletion and keeping agreements with yourself and others. It is essential that you remove or clear up anything form your past that might be in the way of you having what you want

Live On Purpose
Objective: To understand the meaning and importance of purpose in order to live more aligned with your purpose. Dreams without purpose, even a job without aligning to your purpose, can be unfulfilling. We can take steps to avoid this.

Access Your Dreamer
Objective: To create a dynamic relationship with the Dreamer inside of you, and a dream you are passionate about. No matter how realistic you may be, there is a part of you that knows what will make you happy and what you want. We will help you uncover this and get extremely clear about what you want.

Learn From Your Doubter
Objective: To create a powerful and dynamic relationship with the Doubter inside of you, and to learn from the lessons this part of you offers. Left unattended, this is part of us often sabotages our dreams. This does not need to happen.

Believe In Your Dreams
Objective: To create a belief as a solid foundation for making your dreams come true. If you don't believe in yourself or your dream, no one else will either. This is a life-changing step.

Failure Can Lead To Success
Objective: To learn to use all of life’s lessons as powerful tools, and to create daily practices to deepen what you learn. In this work, we look at what happened and what you learned and design practices for strengthening your Achilles heel

Take Serious Steps Forward
Objective: To plan the essential action steps to insure that your dreams come true. In the end, it all comes down to taking action and the practical steps for making your dream real.

Building Your Dream Team
Objective: To be able to ask for help, making your dream more easily attainable. There are resources that you know and do not know who can open doors and make your life easier. Learn essential skills for asking and getting help

Live As A Dreamer
Objective: The objective is simple, to create a dream come true life. Once you are clear about your purpose, dreams and resources, you can look at all areas of your life and decide what you want. This process works on any dream.

Who am I ?

I've had a feeling for sometime now that there's a deeper level to go with the Life On Purpose Process. It's been incubating for several months, surfacing from time to time, often while I'm reading something of a spiritual nature.

I'm now ready to give a first cut at it. I'll begin with the idea that with the Life On Purpose Process we can address the question of "who am I?" For example, when someone says, "My life purpose is..." Who is the my/I that they are referring to?

During the first part of the process, it becomes clear to people that they've been living a life of 'mistaken identity,' as they uncover their Inherited Purpose. In this process they realize that they are not their Inherited Purpose, but instead they have an Inherited Purpose. With this insight comes the possibility of shifting from being the Inherited Purpose (or perhaps it's more accurate to say, 'being had' by the Inherited Purpose) to only having an Inherited Purpose.

So, if we're not our Inherited Purpose, who are we?

Well, it might be natural to say, we're our true, divinely inspired life purpose, also known as the created life purpose. While this is closer, it's not quite accurate. Here's what I see.

In the Prime Your Passion exercise that we use to clarify a person's true life purpose we use the metaphor of standing in front of a canvas. Previously, what was on that canvas was the picture of the person, or at least of whom they've considered themselves to be - their Inherited Purpose. And then in the process of uncovering the Inherited Purpose for what it truly is, they are able to lift it from the canvas, leaving themselves with a blank canvas upon which to create. And what they then can create or paint on the canvas is their true, created life purpose.

So, based on all of that, who are we? Try this on.

It appears to me that who we truly are, is the blank canvas. Or perhaps we're both the blank canvas AND the artist. It resonates for me to view myself, the individual as the canvas -- the canvas being the individualized soul that resides here on earth in the body. It's this individualized soul that I am, also known as the observer or witness. Then there's the artist who could be thought of as the oversoul or God, but in a sense it is all one and the same at this level. (A bit like a wave being an integral part of the whole ocean.)

Just to finish out the metaphor, the paints we use are the different "pigments of meaning" (composed of thoughts and feelings) that we dab onto our blank canvas with the brushes of our heart and our mind. What becomes possible is our personal life on purpose masterpiece.

Ideal day

There's an old riddle that goes like this:

How do you eat an elephant?

Answer: One bite at a time.

That can also be true for redesigning a life. Much of our lives are made up of the routines we have developed that become the framework for a typical day in our life. Granted, many people have a fair amount of variety in a lot of their days, still most of us can learn a lot about our lives by looking at the patterns we have adopted over time.

That is the purpose of the following 2 part exercise. First, to get a clearer picture of what your "Current Typical Day" looks like and then to explore what your "Ideal Typical Day" could be.

Between these two pictures, between the current picture and the picture of your ideal day, there is likely to be a gap. Sometimes the gap is large, sometimes not so large. In either case, once you have a clear view of both of these type days, you can begin the process of closing the gap by taking conscious steps towards bringing your Ideal Typical Day into reality.

For example, when I first committed to living a life of service, simplicity, and spiritual serenity, I was working many more hours than I wanted to be. Those hours were consistent with my Inherited Purpose of needing to work really, really hard so I could get ahead, so I wouldn't be poor and so people wouldn't leave me. But, when I started to look at what I ideally wanted my day to look like, I began the process of redesigning my days to include less work hours and more time for my family and for fun outside of work.

Today, I love my 'typical days' as well as those that are a little less than typical. But this is not about my days, it is about yours, so let's get started.

Part 1: Getting a Clear Picture of your Current Typical Day

Take yourself step by step, segment by segment, through what is a typical day for you. Start with when you normally wake up and how (alarm, child shaking you, or naturally awakening on your own), and also what is your mood upon awakening. Then proceed to what happens next as well as how you feel as you progress through the day.

Be honest with yourself. This is about telling yourself the truth. If there are parts of the day that might vary, then make note of the variety. For example, Tuesday through Thursday much of my typical day is spent on the phone with coaching clients while Monday and Friday is when I am in my office. I am mostly working on my business rather than delivering my services.

Take yourself all the way through your typical day until you finally put your head once more on your pillow. What time do you typically go to bed? How do you feel at that point? How long does it take for you to fall asleep? Do you first fall asleep somewhere else like on the sofa in front of the TV, and then have to get up and go to bed? Make note of anything you feel is relevant, including if you tend to awaken during the night. If you do, how do you feel, and how long does it take you to fall back asleep?

Part 2: Painting a Picture of Your Ideal Typical Day

This may be the more challenging part of the exercise, but it can also be the most fun, invigorating and at least as insight filled as the first half.

Begin to paint a picture of what your ideal or perfect typical day would be. Keep it in balance between allowing yourself to dream and stretch a bit while also anchoring it some in reality.

For this part of the exercise, it may prove useful to set yourself a timeframe as to by when your Ideal Typical Day could realistically become your real typical day. This might be 6 months out, 1 year, or more. Again, be sure to paint a vivid picture including what you will be doing and what you will be experiencing. Have fun with this.

What to Do with the Results

After completing both parts of the exercise, take a day or two to note any insights you can glean from the process, and write those insights down.

Make notes of any of the insights you would be particularly interested in taking action on and if you know what those actions might be, write those down as well.

If you are working with a coach, I encourage you to send the information you have gleaned from this process to your coach. Not working with a coach? Why NOT?

The Gremlin in You

Are you lost? Are you searching for something in life yet never seem to find it?

If you want to be successful at something, perhaps the easiest way is to look for somebody who is already successful in that field. Once you have done that you can then model yourself around that person. For instance, if you want to learn guitar find a good guitarist who can either teach you personally or, if that is not possible, you can copy the way they play.

Make sure that the person you choose is successful. What would be the sense in taking advice from somebody who has no experience? Many people do just that. They listen to somebody who has no idea. Often such a person is a family member or a friend. Dare I say it? The all-knowing brother-in-law or sister-in-law. They just know everything about everything. Don't they?

It is wise to take advice but only from those who you know are qualified to give it. If in doubt, do some research. Find out more about the coach or mentor you are considering using. Does that person have the track record that you wish you had? If so, go ahead - approach them. Some will decline but many will be flattered. Remember this too - if you don't ask, the answer is always "no."

Warren Buffet is the most experienced and successful investor in the world. Do you think it might be a good idea to take investment advice from him? You can, you know. You don't have to know him personally. In fact, even getting an audience with him would be virtually impossible. But he does have many books that you can study. Here is a quote from Warren Buffet:

"If you can tell me who your heroes are I can tell you how you are going to turn out in life."

The quote above indicates that Warren Buffet believes that he is able to tell what sort of person you will become not only by who you idolize but also by the type and quality of people who you associate with. Do you think Mr Buffet might have powerful, influential and forward thinking friends and associates? You better believe it. What about you? What are your key friends and associates like? Might it be time to start seeking out people that you can move forward with?

What about a mentor? Have you found somebody who you respect and who you can take a lead from? Find a mentor. Model yourself around that person. It's the quickest path to achieving what you want.

Happyness

Are you happy? When asked this question, do you stop to ask yourself, “What is happiness anyway”? I wonder how many people even stop to clarify what happiness means to them or what can be done to improve the present level of happiness that exists in their lives.

Some people believe that happiness is something that is the result of external factors in their lives such as success in their profession, the accumulation of wealth, meeting the perfect mate or creating the ideal family. Holding on to such a belief allows the forces of our everyday lives to dictate our level of happiness. According to this belief, one could wake up in a present state of happiness feeling very satisfied and content with their world. As they progressed through their day, however, they may lose this state of happiness as they are faced with the struggles of their day to day lives.

Such inconveniences as traffic, crying children, unexpected tasks at work, rude interactions with others, miscommunications with their spouse or children and the like, could send their happy state of mind in an out of control downward spiral leaving them feeling sad, frustrated, and dissatisfied with their lives. By allowing the happenings of their daily lives to dictate their happiness level, such people are at great risk of living lives that are unpredictable and that are controlling them rather than them controlling their lives. The long term result of such a belief system could be a state of depression and pessimism in regard to the future.

In contrast, other people have a drastically different philosophy in regard to happiness based on much of the research that has been done on positive psychology. One of the leading psychologists in the field of positive psychology, Martin E. P. Seligman, teaches that one can cultivate and experience authentic happiness and become more optimistic about the future.

Those individuals, who follow the teachings of Dr. Seligman and other positive psychologists, recognize that life will endlessly throw challenges in their path. But to the extent that we make the daily choice to use our resilience and our core strengths to tackle such challenges will determine our level of happiness. This type of happiness is happiness from within because it is acquired by making a daily choice to be happy rather than to allow external factors to dictate ones level of happiness. Such people view the future with optimistic hope and excitement as they create the life they want to live.

So, what does it take to be happy from within? What can one do to improve their perspective on how to achieve and create happiness in their lives?

Here are some simple suggestions to improve your present level of happiness based on the wisdom of some of the great pioneers in the field of positive psychology:

1. Make happiness a habit. Happiness is a choice that needs to be made every day, every hour, and every minute in fact. Those individuals who are the most happy are so because they choose to be.

2. Cultivate mindfulness. In developing the capacity to be fully present in each moment, one can live a life of greater depth and meaning. By training oneself to be in the here and now, in the present moment, we immediately enhance the quality and fullness of life.

3. Direct your daily thoughts. Be aware of the thoughts that you believe in as truths. In order to become aware of your thoughts, begin by writing down your thoughts. Then read what you have written and question whether or not these thoughts are helpful to you or realistic. Are they truths based on facts or just your own beliefs? After analyzing your thoughts, write down other possible truths that could exist in relation to the belief that you presently have.

4. Live in a state of FLOW: “FLOW” is a theory that was discovered by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who is a pioneer in achieving inner happiness. He suggests that flow is a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter. To achieve flow an activity must have the following components: the activity must be challenging, it must be clear in how it will progress meaning that the rules are simple, it must require all of our concentration, and we must feel we are making progress and are in control. Activities that promote a state of flow include those activities that require discipline such as an art, a sport, or a religion. They more flow activities that we incorporate into our lives, the happier we will feel.

5. Practice forgiveness: Among all great religions taught throughout the world, a common call to forgive one another exists. Forgiveness leads to the path of inner happiness. Failing to forgive someone takes from our heart by filling it with anger and hatred every time we think of the person that we harbor negative feelings towards. In genuinely forgiving another person for a wrong that they have done, one will feel a huge healing to their heart almost as if their capacity to love has increase because their heart has literally grown in size!

6. Develop discipline: According to research conducted on inner happiness, one of the essential factors in a person’s happiness is their level of self-discipline. By overindulging in food, alcohol, sex, etc., a weakening in our mind, body and soul can result. By practicing self discipline in our daily lives, we strengthen our mind and self-image because we promote a feeling that we are in control of our body. By using restraint, we achieve stability which leads to contentment.

7. Be an optimist: Among the many findings of Martin Seligman’s pioneering work on positive psychology, is the highly effective way to increase wellbeing by thinking in an optimistic manner. Seligman has shown that optimistic people are more successful at work, are healthier, have more friends, and experience more enjoyment out of life. This is so because they perceive problems as temporary and do not take them personally. Such optimistic thinkers view the events that happen in their lives as always having a positive side. They elect to believe that ones ability to conquer hardship is determined by how one recovers from a setback. They hold on to the belief that nothing can hold them down permanently.

8. Simplify your life: Life in our modern society has become overwhelmingly busy and complex. To restore a sense of balance to our lives, one must try to do less, own less, worry less and push ourselves less. To do this one can give away possessions that they are not using, reduce the number of hours they work each day, chose to see friends less so they spend more time with their family, and take some time each day to just sitting and not doing anything but be in the moment.

9. Exercise regularly: Daily exercise has been proven to have a huge impact on how positive we feel about ourselves. This is so due to the fact that giving our body a regular workout helps reduce tension and stress. Exercise also changes our body’s biochemistry because during exercise we produce natural endorphins that make us feel happier (also known as “the runner’s high”). Regular exercise also helps to reduce fat, improves muscle tone, clears the skin, and promotes a general sense of strength. Such benefits experienced by regular exercise have been shown to lead to significant increases in self-esteem which is a mental state that is closely linked to inner happiness.

10. Give love freely to others: Being told “I’m loved” ranked in the top ten most pleasant activities by subjects in a resent research study. Interestingly, this also works in reverse; wellbeing researcher P.M. Lewinsohn and M. Graf have shown that expressing our love for someone makes us feel good too. In addition, that feeling tends to stay with us throughout the day.

These are a few first steps to incorporating choosing to be happy from within into your daily lives. The decision to do so lies within each one of us. Each of us has the power begin our personal journey toward living life to the fullest each and every day! Why not begin your journey today?

Elizabeth Savino is a Personal Life Coach and the owner of Sole Life Coaching. She specializes in Women in Transition. For more information on acquiring happiness from within and empowerment techniques, you may contact her at esav1@aol.com.

Elizabeth Savino is a personal life coach and founder of Sole Life Coaching. She specializes in women’s issues and women in transition. With the support, guidance, and motivation of a life coach, women gain clarity about what direction they would like to move in the next stage of their lives. Elizabeth assesses the individual life of each client to identify areas for growth. They then formulate the steps needed to reach the client’s specific goals.

Elizabeth began her career teaching students with special needs and varying disabilities for several years. She chose to put her professional career on hold to devote her time and energy into being a role model and teacher for her own children. Elizabeth also used this time as an opportunity to pursue interests that she felt passionate about.

Elizabeth spent much of time researching the benefits of positive psychology on human destiny. She became increasingly aware of the power that human beings innately have to create their own destiny.

Strech Yourself

Before getting out of bed, you stretch. Before exercising, you stretch. Stretching warms up your muscles, gets your blood flowing, and prepares your body for whatever you’re asking it to do. Plus, stretching feels really good.

In the same way, it’s a good idea to regularly stretch your habits. Our everyday routines – what we eat, what we wear, where we go, whom we socialize with – are familiar, comfortable, and safe. However, these routines don’t really prepare us for facing change, whether well-planned or hitting us when we least expect it. What we need is a way to push our limits and make ourselves more flexible.

Habit stretching sends a signal to our brains (and bodies) that something new is coming up, telling us to rev up the engines and get the juices flowing. It improves our resiliency, and helps us meet new challenges with greater confidence and less stress.

So, how do you consciously stretch your habits? If you’re the adventurous type, you probably do this already. I have a good friend whose annual New Year’s resolution is to try something new that really scares him. I think this is a great idea, but you don’t have to be that bold to properly stretch yourself.

Start small.

* Eat something different for breakfast.
* Drive a new route to work.
* Read a section of the newspaper that you normally ignore.
* Talk to a person at the office who has nothing to do with your job.
* Go to an interesting local meeting or event that you’ve always found excuses not to attend.

Then work yourself up to bigger things.

* Take a lesson in something you’ve always wanted to try.
* Ask your boss to help strategize ways to balance your workload.
* Tell your spouse/child/best friend something you really love about them.

Feeling good? Piece of cake? Try:

* Outlining 10 important things you’d like to accomplish this year, or within 5 years.
* Devising a plan to get those things done.
* Asking yourself if you’d still be doing your same job if you had $10 million or only one year to live.

By the way, the whole purpose of stretching yourself in this way isn’t necessarily to feel wonderful afterwards. You might, of course, but the real reason is to get to know yourself better. Where are your limits? What are your hidden strengths? What’s most important to you? What’s not? Discovering these answers arms you with knowledge and abilities that guide you through the really big changes you want to make, and help you weather the ones you don’t.

So stretch yourself. Try something different before the day is through, and you might be surprised at just how good it feels.

Sue Brundege is a certified coach, specializing in helping people achieve a healthy life balance while caring for their aging parents. She focuses on early awareness and planning, and works with adult children to manage stress, improve communication, solve problems, find resources, and care for themselves along the way! Visit her website at http://www.selfmadeself.com, or call for a complimentary, one-hour coaching session to see how she can help you gracefully transition into this new phase of life.

Finding Mentor

Wholistic and Empowering practitioners come with many titles, in different shapes, of varied forms, and with imaginative descriptions. Some do not identify themselves as "wholistic" or "empowering" at all. Some may even resist such designations. Many have developed creative titles to identify their special niches.

By "wholistic" I mean a helping professional who sees and treats you as a whole person. By "empowering" I mean one who helps you to find your own power within yourself. At any given time in your life, you may work with many different helpers, even for the same issue.

Getting Started

To start your search for a wholistic and/or empowering practitioner: turn within. That is to say, turn to your own inner wisdom. Ask, "What is my intention?" "What are my needs?" "What do I desire?" If you are unclear about your needs, look for someone who can help you clarify them! Looking for help outside yourself is an act of empowerment if you stay connected with your inner self; looking for help outside yourself is an act of disempowerment if you believe that you are less important than the practitioner.

You may find it helpful to write your intention and make a list of goals and wants and needs to facilitate your search for help outside yourself. For example, if you prefer to work with someone who listens to you, pass up story tellers who talk about themselves and others as a means of teaching you something. If you experience this or any other approach as a waste of time, you will waste your time. Remember, your intention is to find your match, not make anyone wrong.

Are you seeking a Personal Consultant? Attorney? Therapist? Chiropractor? Energy Healer? Spiritual Practitioner? Accountant? Meditation Expert? Medical Doctor? Coach? Nutritionist? Financial Advisor? Career Counselor? Real Estate Agent? Massage Therapist? Mentor? Hypnotherapist? Acupuncturist? Friend?

The list can continue with complex or creative titles, since helpers oriented toward empowerment and wholism often have more than one area of expertise. Some technologies require academic degrees and/or licensing in order to practice what they say they practice. Some have other impressive credentials or vast public exposure.

You engage your rational thought processes to narrow your choices. Even more important than the rational function is honoring your heart and your intuition. Starting and continuing to check inside yourself leads you to wiser choices.

First Impressions

Keep your needs in your mind and heart when making your initial contact. Ask the practitioner what he or she has to offer. If there seems to be a match, reveal your needs briefly, then listen to the response. Have you been heard? Is the practitioner trying to sell services or trying to understand if your needs are those he or she can serve?

Of course, this person is running a business and does so by selling products and services, but you have a right to know now if the practitioner's integrity is strong enough to put your needs first. This conversation is a preview of the ways you will relate to each other if you hire this person.

When I made a 2300-mile move to Santa Monica from the East Coast in 1986, my search for wholistic practitioners was at its height. I sought and continue to seek services for myself as well as for making informed referrals as part of my own business. I have experienced the spectrum from disappointment to deep satisfaction, even enthusiasm. Fortunately, I have had more of the latter than the former.

Several years ago, I heard about someone who works with sound. Since my voice is a vehicle for transformation and healing for many clients and workshop participants, I was interested in knowing more about his work. After receiving the requested literature, I telephoned to ask him to talk about his work -- I wanted to hear his voice. He said, "Everything's in the literature that I just sent you." Everything about sound is on the written page? I think not. I tossed his literature in the recycling bin.

Delightful and rewarding experiences finding solid professional help are far more prevalent for me. Initial contacts have been made through friends' suggestions, clients' reports, colleagues' recommendations, ads and articles in various publications, and direct mail promotions. While my extensive networking yields most of my contacts, I was delighted to find one of my most satisfying practitioners from her paid advertisement. I resonated with her choice of language and found her photograph pleasant. When I called, I felt good about her spoken words, clarity, and voice. I made an appointment immediately.

Remember Who You Are

Remember, you are the client (or patient or customer). That means you are the decision-maker. The practitioner you hire does not make decisions for you. Now is an important time for you to claim your own power -- empowerment from within, not power of one over another.

So, decide, "Do I want to work with this practitioner?" If you work with someone because your spouse or a parent or your boss has insisted, be clear about such a decision not only with yourself, but with the practitioner. The wise professional supports you differently if he or she knows you are there under duress or for someone else's needs.

If you are uncertain that a practitioner is a match for you in a long-term relationship, you may want to invest in just one session. Most practitioners offer workshops or literature or initial consultations or telephone conversations to assist you in your decision making. Sometimes these offerings are free of charge to you. Do not abuse introductory offers or introductions. Remember, practitioners earn a living by giving support to clients who pay for their time.

If you cannot make up your mind or read your heart, that is your responsibility, not the practitioner's. Both of you need to give and share honestly, but within reason. Please note: if you need someone to convince you, then you are not looking for a wholistic or empowering practitioner.

During the initial contacts, keep turning within. How do you feel while you are with this person or as you read this person's literature? Do you feel trusting? Do you feel empowered? If you have been depressed, do you feel hopeful? If you have been distressed, do you feel more calm? Do you sense mutual respect? Do you believe you can get your needs met with this person's assistance?

It is important to be open and realistic and to put into proper perspective the ideas that you hear or read. The practitioner may say something that you do not like. (e.g., "For your health's sake, it is essential that you quit smoking.") If you are overly critical or seek the flawless practitioner or look only for agreement with your own opinions, you may not find the help you need. After all, your thoughts and beliefs and opinions have created the situation in which you find yourself. You need something to be different in order to change. The Appointment is Scheduled

After making your appointment, keep turning within. What do you want to get from the session? What is your intention? Think about your needs, pay attention to your feelings, and listen deeply. Stay flexible to new insights that may reveal themselves just by turning within.

Between the time of the appointment scheduling and the consultation itself, communication occurs through the energy field. The work has begun, regardless of how much either of you is aware of the connection. At the Appointment

So now you are at your scheduled appointment: keep turning within. How are you received by the practitioner or receptionist? How does the session start? Does he or she treat you with respect by asking your experiences or perceptions or intention?

Remember, you are the client. Your perceptions are important, no matter how much you or someone else values the expertise of this person. Does this practitioner act as if you are a whole person, or just a tooth ache or a muscle spasm or an interesting case? Your symptoms have prompted you to seek help; however, you are a whole person, not fragments of discomfort.

As the session continues, keep turning within. Are your needs addressed? Are you encouraged to go below the surface of what you say? Do you feel uplifted or empowered? Are you given suggestions for supporting your own healing or growth or knowledge after the session? Do you know what to do next? Do you feel safe, nurtured, and/or understood?

Next Steps and Follow-up

At the end and following the session, keep turning within. Does the follow-up support address your needs? Some discomfort may be necessary for your growth, so do not invalidate a worthwhile experience or potential growth because of some discomfort. If what you have done in the past is no longer working for you, you need a change. That change may include lack of familiarity and/or comfort.

How do you know if you want to engage this person again? Of course, the answer is within. Not everyone is a match for your needs, beliefs, and personality. Change is constant. You change, practitioners change, matches change, needs and values change. Finding the appropriate wholistic and/or empowering practitioner is a dynamic process, not an inflexible one-time decision.

Keep turning within. Ask yourself meaningful questions, listen to the answers you give yourself, and act on those answers.

Bad Advice

“Here’s my advice,” the track coach told me. “You are not doing your best. If the performance I’ve seen you do in the past few days is your best, quit now and save me the embarrassment of being seen with you as your coach. Right now, you’re not even average, let alone competitive. Stick with me, do as I say and maybe, with lots of sweat and effort on your part, you can improve and make something of yourself.”

Wow, what a bunch of useless advice! Here I was as a young man, trying my heart out to run fast and make the team and the Coach comes along and discounts me and my efforts. I felt guilty. I trusted him more than myself and I was ashamed. Three reasons this was the worst advice I ever got: I felt guilty for being so bad; ashamed I’d even tried out for the team; and thirdly, I lost faith in myself.

I floated around a few days in a daze after that little coaching session. Sure, that was the way Runner Coach treated everyone: motivation by put downs and intimidation. Sure he knew more about running than I did, but did he really know more about me than I did?

The learning and gift from that episode was a decision I made to trust myself, first, about myself. Second gift was the awareness of what I don’t do as the result of ridicule and negative criticism: better. I look back now into the tracks of my life and I can find no instance where I did anything better as the result of feeling bad or being criticized. Not one.

In fact, I think it is not within the laws of nature for human behavior to change for the positive and sustain that improvement as the result of external negative input. It’s as impossible as getting rich by studying poverty or harvesting rice from sowing apple seeds. It won’t work. That’s not to say people don’t or can’t change in the face of demeaning coaching, but the changing will not ultimately be seen as success.

Motivation comes in many forms. Negative coaching may be one of them. But coaching is like trees: we know the tree by the fruit they produce and lemon trees cannot produce peaches. Where you end up has everything to do with how you were coached to get there.

Now for some advice I think does work well. When approaching any task or goal or struggling with a decision, use these four guidelines:

1.Show up. Be here, be now and present with as much focus as you are able to produce.
2.Tell the truth without blame or judgment, especially about and to yourself.
3.Be open minded and not attached to particular outcomes. No one controls their future. We control how we relate to it. Keep options open.
4.Pay attention to what has heart and meaning for you. Follow your light within.

Practice these precepts and I guarantee you will turn your best in the success you desire

Be a HERO

What is a Hero? And what is a Coach? How can a man be sure he’s found a woman he can trust to coach him in the direction that is right for him?

And how does he take advantage of her special abilities to help him achieve his dreams?

In sports, an athlete needs a coach because athletes don’t see how they do what they are doing, when they are doing it. They need feedback from someone who really knows them, who can see their strengths and weaknesses.

Heroes also may not see the relationship between, say, their nutrition and sleep habits, and their achievement. Or they may overdo their exercises, and hurt themselves.

The coach is a caring observer who provides feedback from a small physical and emotional distance. Then the athlete can achieve his or her goals.

A Hero is on a quest, a search, an effort, a long-term project to do Something, to become Someone. (The Coach has a quest, too, but it is usually fulfilled, or fulfillable, within the context of her marriage partnership, as it develops over time. It often happens later in the marriage, because her now-heroic Hero truly loves and appreciates her, and wants to do all he can to encourage and support her personal fulfillment)

Who do you, the Hero, become? The true and unique you! There is no one like you in the world; only you can be the complete you.

And if you don’t do what it takes to fulfill your quest to do or be Something or Someone, then you, your marriage, and the world will be poorer for your cowardice—for that’s really what it is.

Each Hero must come to that Something themselves, finding its resonance in their heart of hearts. The Coach can help, but it is the Hero’s quest.

Always remember: Your wife is meant to be your Coach—not your contender, competitor, or critic. Encourage her to be your Coach by listening and repeating back to her what she is telling you. She is part of you, and you are responsible for keeping her in good working order. In fact, in a larger, deeper sense, your wife is you.

A Hero is not a Hero because he has achieved his quest, but because his thoughts and actions are heroic; they are:

• Responsible
• Honest
• Loyal
• Faithful and true
• Humble
• Sincere
• Loving
• Moral
• Focused
• Patient
• Positive

If you do not already exhibit all these qualities all the time—welcome to the club! This is why we need coaching. Remember that you are still a Hero-in-Training.

The most important thing for every Hero to remember is that his life is his movie. He is the director, and determines what will and will not happen. So one of the most important things to do is learn how to take responsibility, and learn how to take blame. Why?

Taking blame for everything empowers you to stop acting like a bystander or a victim. You can take charge and change things once you make them your responsibility. I’ll talk about this from time to time from different points of view as we go along.

Here are seven pitfalls every Hero must watch out for:

Victimhood: It’s easy to forget that everything is your fault, Mr. Hero. But remember: It’s your movie. The Coach is just your mirror. If you look at her and don’t like what you see, don’t try to clean the mirror; clean what it is reflecting. The good news is that since it is your fault, you have the power to make it better.

Rivalry: Your wife/Coach is not in competition with you. She is you. Are you in competition with your hand? Or your ear? No? Then don’t compete with your Coach. She is equipped to help, but not to compete with you. You can’t do what she can do, and she can’t do what you can do. You’re a matching set, not identical twins.

Idolatry: Just because she has intuitions and insights that you lack doesn’t make her your god. She is your Coach; but the decision to act on her suggestions, and all the consequences of those actions, are entirely up to you. You alone are responsible before God and man for your actions. Setting someone up as an idol is usually just preparation for gleefully knocking them off their pedestal. Don’t do it!

Self-pity: Growth is difficult. In fact, overcoming difficulties is the main way we grow. Are you sad? Exasperated? Discouraged? Don’t have a pity party! Ask your Coach to encourage you, to tell you your favorite joke. N’omi and I save a particular knock-knock joke for just such occasions:
“Knock-knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“The interrupting cow.”
“The interrupting… “
“Moo!” (The “moo” has to interrupt.)

Pride: My grandmother used to say, “Don’t pat yourself on the back; you might break your arm.” N’omi’s grandmother used to say, “Pride was the sin of the fallen angels.” It’s good to experience a sense of progress, and of accomplishment. But don’t allow yourself to get puffed up about it. That just makes it that much harder to accept the Coach’s next suggestion.

Negativity: You know enough to avoid general negativity. If you don’t, let me remind you: The surest way to stop any progress toward your goals is to start being negative and cynical, not just about yourself, but about anything. But I want to warn you once more against an even more insidious variety of negativity: Saying “no” to your Coach (see Chapter 27, “Shutting Her Out”).

Make it a policy simply never to do it. If she says something that sounds outrageously weird, thank her, and tell her you’ll think about it. If it still seems strange, open a discussion with her about it. Not everything she tells you is right; she may be lacking a vital fact or experiencing hormonal challenges.

It’s your job to protect her and cherish her, while taking what she says under consideration.

But if you cut off the flow of her help with any variety of “no,” you are in trouble. And if you make it a habit, you will do real damage to the relationship, and to your entire life.

Your relationship with your Coach, in some ways, is like caring for a plant: The plant may not complain loudly if you forget to water it; it may just quietly dry up and die.

GIVING UP: Don’t even think about it! There is always something better to do than give up. And giving up never makes anything better. If you’re really thinking about doing it, read the next chapter of this book on Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.

Then get the book—or just read it standing or sitting in your local bookstore if you can’t afford to buy it. (Sorry, Gary, but it’s that important.) That book, or the next chapter of this book, may save your life and the life of your marriage. No kidding. You are a Hero. Don’t quit.

Just Say Yes !

In my work as a Psychologist and executive consultant I have found that many individuals have difficulty setting limits for themselves. In counseling we often refer to this as setting boundaries. Healthy boundaries are absolutely essential in maintaining good interpersonal relationships. Possessing set boundaries equates to having a clear definition of self which includes who am I, what are my values, what do I stand for, and what is most important to me.

Poorly developed boundaries can make an individual vulnerable to taking on someone else’s priorities. Poor boundaries also lead a person into believing they are responsible for others feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Typically, individuals with poor boundaries are either very controlling or very easily controlled. Visualize an individual with extremely damaged boundaries. They are very often open to being mistreated or manipulated. In the most extreme situations, a lack of boundaries can mean having no way to protect ones self from an unfortunate wide range of abuse by others.

Another way of looking at boundaries is to think of them as being external or internal. Admittedly this division is artificial, yet useful in further understanding your own personal boundaries. I will describe both external and internal boundaries from the perspective of the role they play in a person’s life.

External boundaries allow us to have a clear sense of how close we physically permit ourselves to get to another individual. A person with healthy external boundaries has a sort of radar that automatically communicates to them if they should move more towards or away from certain individuals. People with poorly developed external boundaries leave themselves vulnerable to being physically and/or sexually manipulated or mistreated. Individuals often exhibit their poorly developed external boundaries by rigidly keeping away from others or frequently allowing them to penetrate their own physical boundaries. Some may rapidly fluctuate between these two interpersonal strategies.

Internal boundaries allow a person to contain and protect their values, beliefs, and life priorities. Saying a person has a strong and stable sense of self equates to having well developed internal boundaries, or a clear and comfortable identity. Individuals with healthy internal boundaries take responsibility for their behavior. They are clear about and able to stake claim to what is most important to them.

On the other hand, having poorly developed internal boundaries makes you a prime target to what some have referred to as energy vampires. These energy vampires can drain someone’s energy and exploit them. Having poor boundaries will lead you to say yes when you want to say no and vice versa. Having poor boundaries means living life in a very exhausting, small and narrow manner.

Having clear and healthy boundaries allows you to distance yourself from individuals who are draining to you. Having healthy boundaries allows you to set limits. They also allow you to rise above the approval of other people. Being willing to stand up for what you believe in, even if it is not the “popular” thing.

Developing healthy boundaries is developing your identity. If you are struggling with setting clear boundaries get clear about your values. Ask yourself these big questions and then write out your responses. Reflect on your responses. Ask yourself: What do I value most in life? What do I value most about myself? What do I value most about others? What do I think is the point to life here on earth? Who is my biggest hero and why? What impact do I want to create in the world?

As you reflect on the answers to these questions think about the implications they would have on your behavior, your choices and the type of people you would choose to be around. What changes would you need to make the life you are living now to become consistent with these values?

Remember it is people with clear boundaries and a strong sense of who they are that have the greatest impact in this world. These are the individuals who take appropriate calculated risks rather than staying within a narrow comfort zone. Think of Rosa Parks. Was her decision made from a position of a clear value and a clear limit? As Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living”. Examine your life. Get clear about who you are and what you stand for. Have the courage to stand up for your convictions. In the words of Gandhi, “Be the change you want to see in the world”. That requires clear boundaries, and a willingness to pay the price to become the valued person you deserve to be for the absolute most important person – Yourself.

Self Esteemed

The whole class was astonished.

We were all coaches and healers. We'd spent most of our lives in improving ourselves and others. Yet what we saw shook the very foundations of everything we believed.

Our teacher asked for a volunteer to come up front for yet another demonstration. We were about to see something that would make our heads spin.

You might have heard of muscle testing. It's a technique to find out if something is good for us or bad for us. Chiropractors and other health practitioners use it all the time.

She tested the volunteer for a baseline. In other words, you have to start by making sure the testing works correctly.

Then came the earthquake. Our teacher asked everyone to send healing energy to the volunteer. Then she muscle tested again.

You're not going to believe this. The person tested weak!

The volunteer weakened when we sent healing energy to her!

We were about to get the next earthquake to complete the collapse of what we thought we knew.

The seminar leader asked everyone to see the person as already perfect in that moment. Guess what.

The volunteer tested strong!

She became weaker when we saw her as needing healing energy. She became stronger when we saw her as already perfect!

Whoa. What have I been doing all my life? What have we been taught?

Our intentions were good, but ...

Perfection happens where someone sees themselves or someone else as perfect and does something, or nothing, for the benefit of the other person. The word intention may not even apply. We see the person as already perfect. There is no intention to change anything.

Black magic is where someone has an intention to damage another.

Misguided Intention

What the heck is misguided intention?

Misguided intention is where we see a person or situation as screwed up and we try to fix them. This is gray magic.

Does that shake things up for you? It sure shook me up.

What have I been doing all my life? What have I been taught?

Sure, you can see things as messed up and fix them. For example, you can see a house as dirty. You can then clean it up. And yes, then it's clean.

Does it stay clean? There is a never-ending activity of cleaning the house as it keeps getting dirty. Does that mean that, if you always see the house as clean, it will always be clean? You still go through the motions of cleaning.

But we want to raise self esteem. And I can tell you that if we always see ourselves in our perfection, that we'll dissolve anything that limits our self esteem.

This is good stuff!

Humility is fine. But that doesn't mean that we tear ourselves down.

True humility is seeing perfection in others.

Smiles

Have you seen the Jack Nicholson smile? That smile tells me that Jack is really cool.

How about the Tom Cruise smile? It tells me that we're both really cool. Does that smile help others to be really cool?

What does all this mean?

We had our foundations shaken. Are we going to go around with the belief that we're screwed up? Are we going to keep fixing ourselves?

Is there a better way?

Glad you asked! We can practice seeing ourselves and others as already perfect.

This approach goes way beyond fixing your self esteem. There is nothing to fix. All you have to do is see your own perfection.

Would you like to help other people? See them as already perfect.

Just a Trend ?

”Go-Go-Go” Is life coaching another American New Age fad, delivering yet another empty promise of helping us live better lives?

Whether we want to lose weight, get a new job, succeed in business, more education, relationship help, financial relief, smoking, drugs or alcohol cessation, help with depression, overall happiness and countless others, everyone has changes we’d like to see made in our lives.

We are forever setting goals and hoping for changes. New Years is a famous time, but rarely do we find success. Certain seasons and events in our lives push our buttons and we try over and over but rigid patterns of behavior prevent us from making the changes we want.

To make sweeping changes in our lives is difficult and we tend to feel stuck and helpless when we fail to do so. We often blame ourselves and become resigned to the idea that we are who we are and that change is impossible, repeating our patterns in an endless cycle of frustration. As Freud put it, “We tend to recreate in our lives that which we have not worked through.”

There are many professional approaches to assist in learning about ourselves and changing our patterns of behavior. Some approaches are better than others and sometimes one approach can have amazing effects on one individual and yield less than satisfactory results with another.

Life coaching is a relatively new approach to improving one’s overall condition and as such, some may feel unsure about its robustness. But consider that much of what is mainstream today was once viewed as new and cutting edge, even controversial is some cases, such as the notion of a round earth. People once held the strong conviction that the earth was flat until it was proved otherwise. Life coaching is becoming more mainstream because it is proactive and delivers positive results.

As its popularity grows, more people are starting to ask, “What is life coaching?” Think of life coaching as much like coaching sports. In sports the goals are clear and the techniques to accomplish them are learned by those playing them. Coaches review these techniques with players, making sure they practice the right steps to accomplish the desired results. During a game, a coach is watching to see if the proper techniques are applied, pushing and motivating the players to perform them.

Certain goals may seem too ambitious to confront or even know where to begin. As daunting as these goals may be, specific methods do exist to accomplish them. A qualified life coach can break down your goals so that you know where to start and what specific steps to take to ultimately accomplish them. However, just knowing what to do is often not enough because we get in our own way. We tell ourselves that we lack the time or the money; we’ll get to it later; we’ll start tomorrow; this one time is ok; I’ll have a last piece of cake, cigarette or drink; or it’s not my fault I don’t feel good. These fixed ideas are what prevent us from the changes we want.

Once goals are broken down into manageable steps, a life coach will be there to assess progress and motivate the individual toward consistent behavior patterns that produce results. Not only will permanent successful routines be established, but they will bring about new actions that achieve even higher levels of success. There won’t be any cheerleaders there to shout as you score, but you will certainly be smiling all the same as you are finally making the changes you want and enjoying new winning patterns and results in your life.

But don’t get too excited yet. Simply dialing your local life coach won’t guarantee success. As with all professions, there are varying degrees of expertise and ability. Life coaching also lacks conformity to a universal approach; however, as the practice continues to take hold, a standard methodology will become more defined.

To insure that you will obtain the results you want, find out if anyone you know has used a life coach before deciding on one. If not, ask the perspective coach for references and a clear picture of their overall approach. Also make sure you are comfortable with the person.

If you are ready to get into action and start living your life with new results, look into finding a qualified life coach and remember that we each do have the ability to change and create the lives we want.

Boss Or Coach

If you have ever witnessed a small child defiantly exclaim, "You're not the boss of me!" you understand a basic human principle. People don't like to be bossed. Bossing conjures up visions of a dictatorial "do it my way or the highway" approach.

As a manager or owner of an organization, you must understand that leadership is situational. In other words, different situations demand different approaches. So, there are times when "the boss" needs to lay down the law of the land. But this approach should be reserved for specific instances when collaboration is not a prudent option.

Your ultimate job as a leader is to grow away from bossing and toward coaching. The rewards will be higher morale, better teamwork, more accountability, and more creativity from your staff. It also means less work and stress on you.

Here are a few things you can do to be a better coach:

* Celebrate achievement - Bosses believe that their job is to detect and point out errors. A coach on the other hand knows the value in celebrating learning and achievement.

* Don't give out the answers - As the boss, it's easy to play the wise sage when your staff comes to you with problems. Instead, put on your coaching hat and ask them for the right answers. It will help them grow in their positions and enhance their value to the organization.

* Empower your people - If you believe you should control other people by the decisions they make, you are a boss. If you believe that you should facilitate others to make decisions and empower them to implement those decisions, you are a coach.

* Seek to understand, then to be understood - A boss will often interact with others by telling, lecturing and directing. A coach, on the other hand, will engage others through dialogue by asking, listening and requesting.

* Focus on the process - A boss believes you should focus on the bottom-line. A coach believes in focusing on the processes that creates the bottom-line results.

Mentors

All the successful people I have ever known have had a mentor at some point in their life, someone who taught them and encouraged them to take risks with new experiences. I owe a great deal to the mentors in my life - Richard Ford, Krissy Jackson, Julie Hunt and more!

I've also worked closely with kids as a mentor. Here's a bit of history: I spent my highschool and university years working as a mentor in an Emerging Technologies Program. When I work with kids, I use just one basic principle: I never do anything for them that they could do for themselves. I act as a resource and work to wake kids up to their passions. I cannot give them passion, and I do not give them any answers. They must find passion and answers themselves.

When working with kids, we focus on answering these questions:

What do you want?
What do you have?
What do you need?
Where are you going to get it?
What will you do with it?

What do you want?

What someone wants is a good indicator of who they are as an individual. We work to get what we want. Where we work, what we study in order to do that work, who we work with, and what we think about, all create and change our personality.

This is where creating passion comes in. It is the passion to get what you want, and to learn and create that motivates people. By finding out what kids want to do, and then supporting them in every way possible, I facilitate their own learning process. I ask questions to help them find out what they want to do. I encourage them to explore for themselves ways to get what they want. I help them figure out what they want to learn. As I see it, a mentor should transfer responsibility for what has to be learned to the student, because when the student take on the responsibility, they will go beyond what anyone expects.

What do you have?

Determining your strengths, talents and skills, whether you're working alone or in a group, is the launch pad for all discovery. Determine what you have within the group itself and work together to share those skills. Knowing what you have is key to knowing what you need.

What do you need?

An important step in any project is determining the gap between the resources and information you already have and those that you need to complete the project.

A good mentor can accommodate different learning styles and abilities. The self-directed learners take off at their own pace, once they've been given a start. The ones that need a little or a lot of coaching get what they need because the mentor has time to give it. When I work with large groups, I just move from group to group as the students work, judging the emotional tone of the unit and giving encouragement or guidance as required.

Where are you going to get it?

Once you know what you have and know what you need, the next task is to figure out how to access the resources that you need. If you're mentoring a group, often, the information is there in the group. By asking and learning from each other, kids develop trust and confidence. With this confidence, they find it easier to admit that they don't know all the answers, and easier to approach other sources outside the group for help. This gives them great self-assurance and leads them to try an even bigger project next time. Every time they take on a new challenge, they learn something about the world and about themselves.

What will you do with it?

Now that you have all the skills and have worked to learn new ones, what will you do with your new found talents? I mentored around emerging technologies, helping kids become passionate about the internet and giving them the resources to learn how to design web pages. The kids I worked with, went on to do web design for real clients. They continued their learning on the job. They developed language and presentation skills, they learned how to interact with clients and meet deadlines, but most important they learned how to share expertise and how to find what they needed. They learned to be mentors and find mentors.

Every time the students met a client or made a presentation of a completed project, they were performing. Performance changes you. It is one of the milestones of life that I think everyone should experience. Practice is fine, but actually getting up and demonstrating what you have learned, be it a piano concerto or your own first Web site, is a life-changing experience. The more performance opportunities we create for kids, the more we help them find what they want, the more they will change, grow and take responsibility for their own lives.